I’m Thankful for Black Friday

27 Nov

Not really, but this seemed to be the common refrain that I saw in the first hours and days that followed the recent nationwide fowl binge (bonus points if you went for the tur-duck-hen hat trick).  Not that it was a surprise–I know people who were planning for Black Friday back in June.  Trampling other tightwads in the parking lot in the wee hours of an especially frigid November morning is, it seems, serious business.

Far be it from me to criticize anyone for being frugal.  Frugality is to be admired, and even aspired to.  I just don’t see how going out and spending $300 on a 44″ flat screen plasma television is being frugal, no matter how cheap that is compared to the “normal price” (hint: MSRP’s are made up numbers, they are no more normal than sale prices; discounts from MSRP are not real discounts; hell, discounts are not real discounts, there are only prices paid).  However, even that wouldn’t be so bad, except that the sheer frenzy of it is…well, creepy.

There, I said it, the whole thing is fucking creepy.  Grown men and women stampeding a Walmart to get their grubby hands on a big-screen television at “discount” prices is fucking creepy.  This is what we abandon all pretense of humanity for: the big sale.  A Black Friday sale is a sacred occurrence in American culture, a religious ritual if you will.  Participants imbibe the sacred waters (Starbucks Double Carmel Frappucioniattos) to prepare themselves, and at the appointed moment are struck by divine madness as the power of their God infuses their bodies and drives them to superhuman feats.

Welcome to America.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: